My biggest revelation these past weeks has been that when I have come to God with prayers, He has always answered them at the right time and in the right way. The only thing to note is that the right time and the right way is not always the most convenient time or the most convenient way. When I started this journey, I asked the Lord to prepare me for whatever I would face and to let me go to His people with a heart and a mind strong enough to do His work. He has not that prayer fade for even a moment.
A few weeks ago, in the midst of transitioning into our busy season at work, a coworker snapped at me while we were closing the store. They said some things that were meant to hurt me intentionally, and I was made to feel that all of my coworkers hated me and that I had been complained about for months. I remember vividly, crying and asking God why He would let that go on, and what I had done to make everyone hate me that much on the drive home that night. The situation had really triggered a fight or flight response in me, and I was really getting ready to choose flight and just find a new job. However, my mom encouraged me to stay and work through the issue.
I prayed for God to help me get through it, and to let it be put behind me. I went and spoke to my manager and they assured me those things were not true, and I was encouraged to talk to the coworker about the way they approached me. However, when I came back they lashed out at me again, hurting me a lot more than they had done the first time. That night when I drove home, I was crying again, and honestly yelling at God. Why would He let them say those things? Did everyone really think that? I told Him that I couldn’t do this anymore, and I wasn’t going to stay around and let people treat me this way. I told Him that, if this was a lesson, I couldn’t handle it. I said that if I couldn’t get through this there was no way I could handle the race.
That’s when I realized what He was doing.
The whole time, He had been trying to answer my prayer. He had been trying to prepare me, and I was getting ready to give up. I was right, and if I didn’t stay and work through it I was never going to be prepared for what the Lord had in store for me. I spent a lot of time that night talking with my parents about everything that was said. I went back to my manager and talked through what had happened, and I decided that everything I needed to say to my coworker I had already said. They had chosen to react defensively, and I couldn’t change that. I wasn’t going to let it change my attitude or let them make me feel unwelcome, and I wasn’t going to treat them unfairly because I’d been hurt. I can’t say things have returned to the way they were, I don’t think that they could or that they even should. We have moved forward and moved on.
What I needed, and what that situation was meant for, really, was to strengthen me. I needed to learn to see things through and to work with others to resolve issues. I needed to learn to control my emotions and put more of my trust in the Lord. Without having faced this I would not have been well equipped for conflict. Now I have resilience and security not only in myself but also in the Lord, who is constantly teaching me.
HI Jaide, This has happened to us all so many times. Your coworker needs your prayers. Ask God to give you a heart of love for them. Remember hurting people hurt people. The anger probably isn’t about you, it’s probably pain pouring out of them from another issue in their life pouring out onto you because God knows you and knows you will pray for them.